I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
