His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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