Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
