hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
oh god was she eating orange peels again
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
