Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
