Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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