You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
