at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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