I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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