I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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