I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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