I am puke
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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