Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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