as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
