found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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