Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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