i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
