I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
