She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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