guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i now understand why vodka
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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