I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
