We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
