I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
