Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
