The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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