Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
