He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
