He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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