It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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