im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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