Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
