I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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