Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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