im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
