I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
