I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
