Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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