My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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