I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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