I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
