My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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