You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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