I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
