I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
