Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
