My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
