you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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