Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
