We got so high we made milksteak
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
