I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
