getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
