I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
