Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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