My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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