My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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