alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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