i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
As shirtless as possible
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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