Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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